back to the beginning

It is a bit crazy to be back in Kent. In some ways I could say that this is where it all began, and then again it could be said that it was something that was there all along. Something inside that wanted to escape, to get out, to run and never look back. Perhaps it is the wildness inherent in the soul of every man, or maybe something very unique to my own soul and being. Sometimes I feel that I am such a unique creature, something unlike anyone else I have ever met, and then others cross my path, new friends and individuals that force me to see that I am not alone in the world. That I am in fact very human and my desires are no different from anyone else, only that I have chosen to manifest them in different ways. I have said many times before that I want to die tomorrow in order to know what comes next, but in reality there are times in which I really enjoy life, that I would not give it up for anything. And yet, that uncertainty, that inability to know what comes next, that incessant, constant, eternal call to run that racks my brain and does not allow me to relax. I try at times to conform myself to the society that surrounds me, but I have no success. I keep running, and yet find myself standing in the same place. I ran around the world, found friends wherever I went, discovered that the outside world is only as hostile at the spirit that lies within the traveler. I found welcome, home, peace, friends, family, and ironically discovered that what was familiar soon became foreign indeed. Immersed as I was in the journey, and the desire to keep it going, to never stop and to run until I found that I could not run anymore. Perhaps this is the answer to life, to run and never look back. To find a partner with whom to share the race, and help distract from the eternal question that for this lifetime will remain forever unknown. What am I seeking? Peace? Perfection? Hope? Dreams? What are they and how do I know that they are mine? When I dream, everything else goes away. I leave the world for a while and forget that I even exist, then I awake to be born again.

What is this life? Where am I going? I think that I discover by doing, by running, by never stopping and continuing the eternal search. Perhaps I should have married earlier along, but then I would not be having all of this fun and running through the memories of Kent that hang over me so thickly even as I try to create new. I have always felt restricted, imposed upon, unable to work under the pressure of a typical program, boss, employer. I don't know but I just don't like it, and that's why I had to go. That's why I am as crazy as I am. If only you could see how I really am, you would never believe it. I can be affectionate, wild, crazy, untamable, uncertain, free, unavailable and everywhere all at once. Sometimes I write just to write and see what comes out, and read it later and laugh. This is my blog, I created it and no one will tell me how it should be written. It is a means for me to undrown myself and my worries, my preoccupations, doubts, thoughts, hopes and dreams! Life is a carnival! And I am the ferris wheel!

But in all seriousness, I am grateful for all that I took from Kent. All of the wonderful people that I met, that challenged and inspired me, and at the end showed me that my dreams, as crazy and wild as they were, were attainable, and that unless I chased them I would never be the person that I wanted to be. Yes I could have married, could have told myself that the crazy thoughts and inclinations I had were insane, and I needed to take a pill to calm down, or I could have done as I did, leave everything behind and run around until I had a great enough desire to return. I have not yet reached the point that I am comfortable with who I am, but I also don't sit still long enough to be uncomfortable with that person. I sometimes feel like the master's program was a daycare for me, where I had to go during the day and leave my childishness behind, and yet now here I stand, a very capable person with all of the knowledge that a master's program can impart to an individual who is everywhere and nowhere at the same time, and even when there, only half checked-in. And yet I did learn some things. I do have a gift and a talent, though I am still trying to figure out exactly what that is. I am versatile and painted into a corner. What is this place they call the United States? Crazy. How did I end up here? By virtue of the fact that I am here, I am able to share my stupidities on a blog through the computer that costs more than many people make in a year, in a cafe where I am drinking coffee made from beans for which farmers were properly paid, and yet how many go hungry despite the great deal of coffee that they produce for the coffee corporations of this nation?

Need I reign in the chaos? Yes, if ever I want to make any money and propel my life forward career-wise, and yet a little craziness can go a long way in certain places? Was I really a good professor, or lecturer I should say? Or was I just entertaining enough to keep my students from falling asleep at the wheel after leaving the room in which I let fly all of my experiences and understandings of the foreign language that now puts bread on my table?

All of this flows from a channel deep inside of me. Do each of us have such a channel? Do we all cling to the verge of sanity and yet yearn to yet our true selves show? is psychology a worthwhile science? Or am I able to manipulate the psychologists who think they know why I think the way I do. For me this is like a breath of fresh air that I have been waiting to take for a long time, meanwhile I swam beneath the surface of reality, breathing a mixture of oxygen and nitrogen that I kept telling myself was the real air, was the air that flows through the real world. And yet distortions in my vision told me that this is not really reality. That I am in fact conforming to a convention that has been established by many years of people doing the same things that come to be called customs and traditions. Wherein lies true freedom? In so conforming ourselves to society? Or in seeking to let fly the very essence of who we are that lies within and yearns to be set free, to climb to the highest heights of the possibilty of existence? Why do we allow ourselves to get caught up in the mere trivialities of life? Why religion, marriage, children, houses, payments, bills, bills, bills! These are not the essence of existence. Such an existence is to conform to mediocrity when we were meant for so much more. Life is about freeing the reality that lies within, that can transcend the reality that threatens to conform us to its reality, but our reality is the truth. Life starts inside and flows to what lies without, and not the other way around. I am not a product of society, my life is a product of how I interact with the world and what I do to change what lies around me. What can the world do for me? No, rather what can I do to change the world, to effect those around me for the greater good, to see beyond the everyday reality to what could be! Not to be content with life as it is, but to look beyond, to open my heart and mind to what I know to be true on some level of existence! Can it be done, or will I allow myself to submit and subscribe to the life that everyone ostensibly seems to accept? Do I describe reality, or rather am I describing a world that lies within me alone? Does anyone else understand what I describe? Do I write in a way that no one else has? Am I conforming by seeking to understand what lies within me alone? Am I selfish? Should I conform? What am I doing? What do I want to be doing?

The answers have yet to come, and I will be patient, but I will never stop searching, never stop seeking. The truth is yet to be found! Let us go forward seeking it to find it at last, and to find the peace that will propel us onward to the great works that still lie in our future. Let us live!

Singapore and Malaysia

Thus far we have found Southeast Asia to be remarkably accommodating and extremely reasonable in terms of dining, hotel and hostel stays, and transportation. I suppose we did not know what exactly to expect when we left Australia for the first time, but I can say that I am extremely pleased with our experiences. The one thing that is a continual drain, but cannot be changed is the infernal heat and accompanying humidity. These tend to suck the energy right out of you, and hence in the guidebooks we have consulted one is advised not to walk the city streets, but rather to acquire transportation by taxi, public bus, or light-rail/monorail train. As to these systems, they seem to be much more sophisticated and more efficient than anything I have seen in the United States outside of New York City. Even still the trains in Singapore and Kuala Lumpur arrived at the station no more than 5 minutes apart during all hours of the day, and were extremely well-signed and easy to navigate. For these reasons we had no trouble getting to see and the do the things we wanted to, and then returning to the hostel for a good few hours break from the outside climate.

It is interesting to note how well the people have taken to us. No one seems to view us as outsiders or suckers, but rather people on a holiday who might very well be good customers to have, or people to photograph. This was typified of course once we had left Singapore—where we were recognized as just another pair of Westerners walking on the street—and had arrived to Malaysia. I found the people here to be warmer, perhaps due to their lower socioeconomic status as compared to Singapore, and their desire to improve the tourist experience. After arriving back to the train station at Butterworth from Penang, I was interviewed by a representative of the Malaysian tourism and received a nice little monkey memento in exchange for my replies to her queries. As to the average people on the street, I will not soon forget our host Az at the hostel in KL. When asked as to the checkout time he simply said, “Check out whenever you want.” When asked about where to smoke cigars, he indicated the living room, “Here, the balcony, the kitchen, wherever you want.” Hence we spent the better part of 36 hours there catching up on sleep, emails, writing, reading, and simply relishing the free time and relaxation that comes with a holiday. Another great memory is that of Faisel from Mumbai, who served us some beautiful Indian food on our way to the KL Tower. When I loved the lemon iced tea, he explained exactly how to make it, and offered to show me how the following day. Unfortunately we were slated to leave KL that night on the train to Butterworth and so I had to respectfully decline. Unfazed, he asked whether we had any US currency that he could acquire for his collection. I was bummed that we did not, but will remember to bring such things on future trips to Southeast Asia.

Now we set off for Thailand. The great “Wild West” of Southeast Asia as best I can surmise. Everyone cautions you about the hawkers, or “touts” and the prevalence of pickpockets, and people seeking to take advantage of Westerners, but then goes on to say how much of a good time they had, and how they look forward to returning very soon.

I am excited, both about what is to come now, in our $16/night 4-star hotel in Pa Tong on the island of Phuket, Thailand, but also for the future, for as I have said a number of times to my brother Daniel, “Nothing will ever be the same again.” Indeed it will not be. We will go home, and everything may be the same for everyone else who has stayed, but we will have changed dramatically. These thoughts even go to the point of affecting my dreams at times. Last night, on the train from KL to Butterworth, I dreamt that I was driving my old green and tan Jeep Wrangler with the top down somewhere between Rockford and Byron, but could not seem to recall how to work the stick shift. Somehow I was making my way along, but it was not the same as it used to be. Similarly, after attempting to referee a game of basketball in the same dream, I found myself exhausted from the effort. It wasn’t until a compatriot referee in the person of a short, black woman told me that I needed to drop some of my ass that I realized that I was not in the shape that I once was. Life has changed, and will affect the life that we left behind, both because the life we return to will not be the same life we left behind, and on entering it, we will not be the same people we were when we left either. I am excited for what this might mean.

I once said that I could not be a good teacher because I had not yet learned anything. Now I have seen enough of the world to think that I might know a few things about it. I have learned that I was born with the burden of needing to experience life first-hand in order to learn from it. This burden has been both fortunate and unfortunate at different points, but overall I am grateful for what I have learned from its constant prodding and inspiration to go out into the world and learn.

First post in a long time

So I have wanted to make an entry on the blog for a long time, but never felt sufficiently inspired to do so. One of the reasons is that life hit me, in all of its ordinary and mundane glory; I will try to explain…

Life takes on a rhythm no matter who you are, where you are, what you are doing, what you are seeking, and where you are going. For this reason I used to feel disenchanted with life, craving a natural high in every moment and yet only experiencing the normal, ordinary feedback that comes from getting up, fulfilling the day’s activities, eating, doing more activities, eating again, practicing some relaxation or leisure activities, then going to sleep. And the next day to do it all over again. I spited this and it incensed me to think how much time I had “wasted” simply filling the hours of my day with the requisites of life. It took going on a trip around the world to realize that life does not give itself meaning. We can become as angry or spiteful as we will, but this does not change the fact that we have a very significant role to play in our own pursuit of happiness. Why did it take going around the world? In my mind I used to think that people outside the United States lived differently, and hence experienced more fulfillment in life, however in encountering them face to face and taking in their daily doings, I have come to realize the truth that I stated at the beginning. Our lives naturally (and of necessity) develop a rhythm, and only by understanding our individual rhythm and enriching it by including the things that we enjoy on a regular basis, can we find true happiness and fulfillment in the short term of our daily lives, and I believe ultimately this leads to long-term happiness and a sense of fulfillment as well.

Daniel, Mike, and I spent a long time in Melbourne, and I think this is one of the greatest lessons that I learned. Joy and fulfillment only came when I recognized the rhythm in my life at that time, and then effectively implemented the things that I enjoy into that rhythm. We all have needs and desires that we cannot run from, but rather must learn to embrace and fulfill in the most natural and healthy ways possible, in order that our lives take on deeper meaning simply because we enjoy them more completely.

Life always has the potential to become mundane, and do not think that just because we are on the other side of the world that life does not at times become mundane and ordinary all over again, because it does. We still have to eat, use the toilet, sleep, pay bills, and take care of our needs just the same as when we were at home. Thus, it is not simply in drastic changes, such as travelling around the world, that true change and satisfaction is achieved in the human person. I believe it lies more in the small things, and making them as personally satisfying and fulfilling as possible, such that the little necessities of every day become no longer nuisances, but rather little reasons for joy.

To concretize my reflection a bit, I want to thank all of our friends in Melbourne who helped make our stay so much more rewarding and fulfilling. Friends, family, and relationships are key to maintaining that meaning and sense of fulfillment and satisfaction in life, for without them life too easily devolves into a mundane and even boring repetition of the same necessary tasks over and over again. These tasks are necessary. That we cannot change. However we can change the way we think about them, the way we do them, what we do when we are not doing them, and then suddenly life has been reinvented, life is fun and interesting again. For some it may take a trip around the world, but whatever it is for you, strive to learn more and more each day of what makes your life more meaningful and rewarding, and permanently integrate those things into your life.

Live life to the fullest and die knowing that you have indeed lived.

Working Together

Daniel and I working together at Coffee Club at the DFO Shopping Center in Essendon (suburb of Melbourne, in the Australian state of Victoria)

Though we had an idea of what it might be like to work in Australia, to quote Daniel, "I was scared stupid when we left Hawaii for Melbourne!" We literally had no idea what was in store for us, arriving in mid-November to a country-continent where we knew literally no one. But this was part of the adventure of it all, and part of what keeps me inspired and going even now. Upon setting out on this journey, I believe Daniel and I both either had divergent ideas about what this was supposed to be, or simply coincided on the fact that we had no idea. I have now reflected in my last post as to what the journey has ultimately become, and meant for me personally. Daniel has internalized his own personal experiences and growth, though I know for certain that one of the principal things we share is a renewed appreciation for the relationships in our lives. And I do not think that I stand alone in saying that I am extremely grateful and fortunate for the growth in my relationship with my brother Daniel.

Before we left on the trip there were illusions of bartending together; throwing bottles, uncapping beers, and then sliding the drinks along down the bar: essentially scenes from "Cocktail," but starring us instead of Tom Cruise. Though this never really came to fruition, we have discovered a friendly home at Coffee Club DFO Essendon. Thanks to Wayne Bongers and Susan Camilleri we have a home away from home, and have had many opportunities to explore the Australian culture that surrounds us. Thanks to them we have seen wild kangaroo, eaten dead kangaroo, and learned a ton about Victoria (the state where Melbourne is located within Australia). The adventure has been one of not yielding to fear and being open to self-discovery. This trip in a very real way has been an allegory for what the rest of life holds. We have learned that we need to work in order to make anything possible in this life. We have acquired a rhythm in performing that work, and have developed a further, over-arching rhythm for our lives. We understand now, that working together makes more possible, and further that it can deepen a relationship that was only ever before, just there. Work has the potential to drive us apart or draw us together. And I firmly believe that we have achieved the latter in a very real way.

This has been due in no small part to the great number of people we have met, and who have been extremely generous to us. Life, and the world trip, would never have been possible without these altruistic individuals, who partly believed in the vision that we explained to them, but mostly opened unto us the great capacity in their hearts to love and give, and hence we are still here, and planning the next stage of the journey.

Our time at Coffee Club, Wrap it Fresh, working in the bush with John, Rosalee, and Hugh, working as a fundraising frontliner on the streets of Melbourne's suburbs; down every avenue we have walked, we have found friends, aids, understanding, challenge, and hope that life can be oh so much better than the dubious outlook that we may have carried before we left.

And so in this post, and in this moment, I want to take the opportunity to thank all of you who have helped make this journey a reality. Thanks especially to you Mom and Dad, who have been there to support us throughout, and never doubted that we had embarked on a necessary journey, one that will lead seamlessly and beautifully into the next epoch of our lives.


Mom and I at an apple orchard in Rockford prior to our leaving


Dad and Daniel walking at the orchard on the same day as above


Our friends Andy and Lindsey at a surprise visit to our home two Christmases ago. They were extremely hospitable when we stayed with them in Hawaii, and then Lindsey extremely helpful and supportive on her recent visit to us here in Melbourne. Thank God for great friends.

External and Internal Adventures

It is interesting how it took traveling to the other side of the world for me to find that the journey had in fact lay within the whole time. Though we have definitely beheld many a beautiful sight in multiple beautiful lands, the fact remains that the tangible accomplishments of the trip itself pale in comparison to the personal internal growth that has enhanced my conscience and deepened my heart and soul.

Somewhere inside me I always knew that this was the case, however denial lead me to believe that it was the doing that would set me free, that would open my mind, that would show me the way. I have come to understand that such is not the case. Travel is a hobby; a unique one perhaps, but a pursuit that requires time and money in order to effect, just like any other hobby. It is something that we ultimately choose over other possible investments of our time and resources. Any hobby, pursuit, interest, or activity that we love can lead us to the discovery of new things within our person. We are amazing creatures, and our potential far exceeds what our imagination could ever envision. Sometimes we need to run after those things that fascinate us, those things that fulfill us and make us come alive! Travel was one of the things that at some point evoked in me a desire for more out of life, and so I followed it here to Australia. For a time it proved fulfilling, but just like any other pursuit, I am looking forward to a change, to traveling back toward the United States and the perennial warmth and comforts of home, family, and old friends.

What inspires you to live when you think about it? What invariably makes you laugh or inevitably leads you to cry? I believe that these are the ways in which God shows us the paths it would behoove us to follow. It is through the passion of emotion, through the joy of activity, the thrill of experience, the accomplishment of goals, major or minor, that our eyes are opened to our talents and abilities, and fear is left behind.

I had to go to the other side of the world, but perhaps it would only take you going into your back yard and chopping wood, coaching a volleyball team, riding a bike, taking meals to senior citizens and handicapped persons, taking communion to the ill, visiting the dying, praying for those who do not love you. Each one represents a way to seek the things which make us come alive. When we find them, I believe that we must seek to incorporate them into our lives in one way or another. And then we will have a constant flow of inspiration and hope to lead us through the sometimes incredibly joy-filled, and at other times depressed stages of our lives.

The things that you need to pursue to make your life extraordinary may lie right in front of you. I in many ways dreaded setting out on this journey, but thanks to my parents pushing, and friends' encouragement, we did it! We left, and I cannot, nor would ever want to go back. I cannot unlearn the lessons I have taken from what I have seen, experienced, and lived in the past several months. In the coming time I hope to recount a number of experiences that will demonstrate just how great God can be, if we only open ourselves to His will in our lives. If you feel drawn to something, and you can see no moral or practical reason why you should not pursue it, for your own sake DO IT! Cower not before the pursuits that can make your life extraordinary!

My Birthday Wish: join me in Hong Kong on June 22nd

Also on my new blog: http://aroundtheworldwithmike.wordpress.com/

“Registration” is now open for our first track: Hong Kong to Singapore by land

• June 22nd-23rd: Arrive in Hong Kong
• ~June 27th: Leave for Hanoi, Vietnam by train/plane
• ~June 28th-July 15th: Make it to Ho Chi Minh City by train
• ~July 16th-18th: in HCMC, fly/train/bus it to Kuala Lumpur
• ~August 7th: Arrive in Singapore
• From Singapore, my sister Julie and I might be headed to Bali(by boat?) or swing back to Thailand.

If you’re interested in coming, there’s no catch, fee, sign-up for credit cards or crazy travel scam, just email me. You don’t have to stay for the whole track, or for any of it: you can meet us someplace for a day if you like. Or stay for a few months. If you do, just post your experience online so I can link to everyone else I’ve traveled, making a patchwork quilt of people you’ve traveled with around the world.

If you’re still reading and can’t wait to eat fried bugs, ride elephants and bamboo raft rivers, then please send an e-mail to mikerudz@gmail.com with the following:

1. who you are and a bit about yourself
2. why you are interested in coming
3. how long you intend to stay(if you have no plan, then we’ll get along great)
4. When you plan on joining

Flights to Hong Kong from Los Angeles, round trip and one way:

On train travel in Vietnam and China. The video on the Vietnam page gives a good indication of just how nice the trains are. For further info, the best resource is also Lonely Planet’s Thorn Tree Travel Forum.

Let the great adventure begin! Happy Birthday to me!

Our Theme Song: Beg, Steal or Borrow